I received a letter from a friend that has been in and out of my
life for many years. We have one of those relationships that had a few
bumpy roads in the beginning, back in my early childhood. Some of those
bumps caused us to part, actually for quite some time. Somehow the
trails seem to always bring us back together. Even though many years
pass in between these crossings, each time we find ourselves in each other's
life, my friend always feels like it is necessary to bring up the bumps.
It's like he's caught in the past and has to relive it each time we come
together. The truth is.... I've completely forgotten the details of
those days and even if I could recall them perfectly, I know they are from the
perspective of my mind in that early age of live and really aren't even
relevant at all today. Of course the letter quickly goes from the
pleasantries of "Hello, how are you," into
"So, I was thinking about what happened between us and I just don't think
you understand......"
"How
sad," I thought to myself. "He's still there, living in
yesterday." I crumbled the letter and tossed it into the trash and
took a deep breath of today.
The next morning,
I pulled into the driveway of a house, that from the outside looks like it is
in the present day. "Please excuse the mess,"
she muttered under her breath, as I entered her home to see the
bed frame that she had listed on craigslist. "OH MY GOD!!!"
I thought to myself as I walked down the literal path that led from the
front door through her living room to the "guest room".
She stopped half way and must have felt my gawking eyes trying to soak in the
aftermath of what looked like a tornado that had hit her livingroom.
"It ain't as bad as it looks," she said humbly.
"It's actually an organized mess. Ya see my Ma lived with us
for several years and when she passed I just couldn't bring myself to throw
anythang away." In her slow southern drawl she continued explaining.
" I'm slowing goin' through it though."
"I'm so
sorry for your loss," I said. "How long ago did she
pass?"
"It's
been almost ten years now, but wait to you see the room where the bed is."
I tripped over a box
and started to feel my claustrophobia kick in when we reached the door
knob to the room.
"I call
this...," she paused and then stretched her wrinkled lips wide into a
grin. "My Memry Room!" The door slowly opened and from
floor to ceiling on all four walls are old pictures, shelves filled with dolls,
little chotskis and knickknacks, posters and memorabilia from the days
when her mother was alive. The floor space was filled too with every kind
of furniture imaginable. The only space for us to stand was actually in
the doorway and even that was a bit cramped with her two dogs and cat sniffing
and rubbing my legs. She pointed to the bed, which had a mound of
stuffed animals and pillows scattered across it. "The bed wasn't really
Ma's," she explained. "So it ain't 'portant to me anymore.
My daughter's grown and gone and I wanna make her room all about the
memry of Ma."
There was no
physical way that the bed would make it out of the room, much less through the "un"living room without the help of the National
Guard, so I politely said that it was beautiful but didn't think it would work
for us.
She patted my arm
and said "Well that's ok darlin'." Leaning over, she picked up
a photograph. "This here is Ma when she and Daddy met at the pallet factry
in Lavergene...."
A few hours later
I drove away feeling so sad for this lady who had a daughter still alive, but
chose to stay living within the bones of the past.
Later that night,
as I lay in bed trying to fall asleep, I let my mind travel down some of
my own back roads and found myself looking at me about to graduate high school.
I could see the cap and gown and the proud expectations all across the
faces of my family and friends. I was going to be somebody one
day. Little did I know that for many years I was going to struggle, be
considered a failure and that I would never bring light to those dreams and
early wishes. I rolled over to see my sleeping, beautiful bride and
smiled. Wow! I'm so thankful that I didn't stay living in that
graveyard of lost dreams.
I wake this
morning to a glorious sunrise and vow to keep my mind facing East.
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