Euphoria

I'm Turning Around - written by Davy Rasmussen 
Song Lyrics
"Hello everyone (long pause)... my name is ...("crap, what is my name", she thinks to herself) oh yea, "My name is Molly (longer pause) and I'm an addict."   "Hello Molly" the group answers back.  "Tell us what brought you here today".   She squirms a little, takes a deep breath, lets out a sigh and begins.

"I've always loved it.  From some of the earliest times I can remember it was a part of my life.   When I was younger it was just the thing to do.  We all did it.  My brother and I started together actually.  It was that thing we couldn't resist and when one of us didn't have any, the other would somehow find some and share.  It was mostly just a release and for pure pleasure at the beginning, though I remember that day when they separated us from our mother and how we used it then just to make the pain go away.  I'm not sure when it became out of control, but slowly it started to happen more and more in my life.   When they split my brother and I apart,  I began using it as a crutch and a way to hide.  The next foster home I was in was extremely strict and had too many damn rules.   They didn't understand me.  They didn't know the shit I've been through and yet they judged me and forbid me for partaking of my only vice.    The day the new foster kid arrived and became the golden child, I had my first over dose, which promptly led me to my next foster home.

I've bounced around from home to home and some where meaningful, good people and some were trash.  I'd clean my act a little and try to get my emotions tucked away and then the littlest thing would trigger an itch.  I would miss my brother, I could see us playing as kids,  I wondered where my real mother was, and slowly these haunts would lead me back down that dark road of addiction.   I would start again with a little nip and tell myself  "it's ok, you've got this under control.... a little every now and then... no one will know".    But eventually they do and eventually I find myself out of control,  back in the system and heading for another strangers home.

The last home I was in I got pregnant by one of the other fosters living there.  Believe me, love didn't have anything to do with it.  It was just sex and it came with a price, a huge price.   My foster parents were kind enough to let me stay through my pregnancy but soon after,  I think the novelty of me and my crying baby was all they could take.   One day we were all going for what seemed to be a nice country drive and the next thing I know, I am being dropped off at yet another home.

I remember looking down at my little creation that day and thinking to myself that I've got to do it right this time.  I have something to live for.  I have something completely dependent on me.   When I met my new parents I could tell there was something different about them.   There was something different about the entire place and home.  I had never seen so many flowers, never smelt such good, clean air.  It was quiet.  There were birds flying everywhere and I thought I would loose myself  when I saw what seemed to be an endless path leading into an endless forest.  Maybe this was heaven.

My first week or so I was on the top.  I was confident in myself.  The foster parents were so easy to communicate with and there seemed to be a bond growing between us.  The thoughts of my addiction hadn't even entered my mind since I arrived.  They had a couple other foster children living there too, though actually they got adopted by them early on.  It took awhile for them to trust me and open up, but eventually the three of us seemed to be getting along too.    Everything was going perfectly until that one day when everyone left and I was there alone.   I knew they had some there.  They didn't hide it.  No one seemed to have a problem or an addiction, it was just a social thing.  But there I was, left with my own voices and my own demon.  I couldn't help myself and finally I just had to take a nip.  Once I did, I instantly stopped and that was all I did.   Several more days went by and everything was cool and I thought maybe that was all I needed.  I think what happened though,  was that I awoke my sleeping monster.

Slowly I started hearing the voices.  Every time I would walk by it, my skin would get flushed and I would feel my heart beat a little faster.  "Take Me" "Indulge" "You Deserve It" "It will make you feel so good", kept getting louder and louder and finally I caved.  That night they were all asleep and I crept out to just have a little.  That first nip was so good, but this time I had to have more.  The voices were cheering me on.  I could see my brother in my mind and together we were going to party.  I grabbed that cushion off the porch chair with my teeth and started yanking it back and forth like there was no tomorrow.  I could see my bro on the other end giving it hell right back to me.  Oh this felt so good.  And just when I began to feel that wonderful drunk feeling something even more scrumptious occurs.  Like a burst of chicken bones breaking in my jaws, this sealed green cushion gives birth to an explosion of white, fluffy, beautiful stuff.   Eu-ph-or-ia!!!!  And I thought just tugging on them was a buzz.  OH... now the party is really going to begin.  

Needless to say I overdosed in a BIG way that evening. "  (Long pause)   "Well, today I'm turning around.  I'm going to live my life over.   I've been sober now for 3 days, but I know I can only do this one day at a time.  Thank you for listening.   Oh... my name isn't Molly, that was what they called me three homes ago.  I think these folks are calling me Tulip, or Turnip, or something gardeny like that.  Humans, they are so funny.  "